Yes... Frustration. I had a friend with some relationship problem... Bothering him and bothering me as well... Tried all means to help, but just fate... Everything is controlled by destiny, and time is just a excuse, our cruel destiny plays around with. Sometimes, too long too short a time is unacceptable... Perhaps, there's a certain particular fixed time for things to happen? Haha... We're only human, somethings are just beyond our control... From the day you're born, it seems your destiny is already set for you... Your fate is sealed from the start. Thinking that makes me sometimes, feeling helpless and lost... I'm a person who really like freedom a lot, but it seems, i've been chained by this 'destiny-keeper' called Fate. Whatever i do, it just seems helpless. You just can't revoke your own fate...
Went back home since Friday. All i got at night was my sister's vending of her frustration on my mother. Complaining my mum's inability to control our family's finance, resulting in her working to just pay for bills. She isn't totally wrong in the sense that we really need some savings to get some feelings of security. But the harsh way of accusing my mum's misuse of money, is what i'm very uncomfortable about. Where actually has all my mum's salary gone to? Bills, maid, insurance, household items, food, ... And certainly there's more... The one handling the most pressure of the family is my mum... Why can't she be more sensitive towards someone else's feeling when thinking about hers at the same time? Actually i'm the most ineligible to say such things because i'm part of the burden... If you give me a word i can simply give up my studies and find a job... Can't people be more understanding at times? Seriously, i've been thinking of stopping school la... Couldn't even enjoy my school life, why bother to continue... You think school is fun? Try it when you are a poor pauper. You will think that you are just a convict caged in a cell making everyday an end to meet. Sometimes i think, maybe even convicts are experiencing a better life than i do. Simply just pass day by day, never worry about no money for food. Some places inside, also have enrichment programmes to upgrade oneself with different life skills. Haha, might as well stay in there................ But, morally you know it isn't something you should do... Sigh~ ~ From the start, i should have gone poly, i thought...
Part-time, i'll try to go and find la, don't stress me. 智者生存 is really correct. But the problem is i'm not really a witty person. And i'm a person who's poor in multitasking. So if i got a part-time, expect me to do badly in my exams. This isn't a curse i set on myself, but i really judge myself objectively. I always choose to 'believe', Anything is Possible. But under such a condition, i really gonna feels despair, and misery are the only path left for me and my family.
Don't worry, Kun Guan should never be defeated. Scroll to the top, it says, In order Not to be Defeated, i Have to be Strong... Life goes on still, i won't choose a 'dead' end. We're only humans, humans are bound to meet with many obstacles in our lives. There will be another few years of hardness to come. Face and overcome them, as they approach near... I will, no.... it's i MUST...
More things to say about my new time table, my Japanese class, and so on... But it's too late. Another time then.
